Science V Religion: This time it’s personal

Cameras flashed and microphones readied themselves yesterday as Science held a press conference to apologise for making one of the biggest mistakes of his career. It seems that the claims he made about the size of the universe have been ridiculously exaggerated. Science has recently claimed that the universe contains around 70 sextillion stars in over 100 billion galaxies, but the recent discovery of the reflecting universe or mirror cube universe has blown that theory right out of the water.

At the press conference Science sheepishly explained what the Mirror Cube Universe meant in layman’s terms (although Layman was too busy adjusting the microphones to listen). “The Mirror Cube Universe is quite a simple concept actually. The universe is essentially contained within a cube of six giant “mirrors”. We don’t know what the “mirrors” are made of yet because even though the Universe is a lot smaller now, the mirrors are still billions of light years away. What we do know…”

“Liar!” The word was bellowed from the back of the auditorium and everyone turned to see who was responsible for this expletive. They were greeted by the imposing figure of Religion, who stormed in to take part in the discussion, “You don’t know anything Science. I have been saying this for years that Science’s claims are unsubstantiated and this is just further proof of that. You “know”. You don’t know anything, isn’t that the whole point of this press conference, to admit that you were wrong. “70 sextillion stars,” is that even a number? How long have you been spouting this rubbish and Layman just accepts it, on blind faith. And he thinks I’m the crazy one?”

Science didn’t take too kindly to being interrupted and was unused to having to defend himself. But since he has lost a lot of credibility with this latest blunder, the likes of Religion and even Fashion are starting to stand up to him, although Fashion was less vocal than Religion in her criticism, instead choosing to tweet “Like what is Science wearing? #labcoatsareso1996” A comment she wouldn’t have dared to make as recently as a week ago.

The auditorium was in danger of denigrating into a run of the mill Boxing press conference then as Science stood up and shouted back at Religion, “Sit down old man, before I knock you down.” But Religion would not be silenced. “Look at you up there in your fancy press box, thinking you’re all that. But you’re finished; you’ve made your last claim. Layman is going to see through your Bullfudge now. What other claims have you made that aren’t true? Is the earth even round? Where’s the proof?”

“You can’t be serious,” Science chimed in. “We have satellite imagery of the earth as an oblate spheroid.”

“Yeah Yeah,” Religion replied. “Taken by Media, sure you’ve had Media in your pocket for a hundred years or more.”

“Okay Genius, what about when you travel west anywhere on the planet and you end up back where you started? How do you explain that without a spherical planet?”

“Don’t get me started on Travel.”

They were standing face to face at this stage as Religion had made his way onto the stage and Science had stormed off the podium to face him. In a rare moment of passion Science swung a fist at Religion, who tried to turn the other cheek, but didn’t turn it in time and was caught square on the chin. Religion retaliated quickly, the more seasoned fighter, with a head-butt to the bridge of Science’s nose which sent him sprawling across the floor in a sea of blood and snot. Science jumped up quickly and leaped at Religion, but Astrology, who has always tried to have a foot in both camps, got between them shouting, “Can’t we all just get along?” Finally the two old enemies were prized apart by the crowd and Religion was escorted out, claiming, “This isn’t over Science, ya prick!” as he was led away.

Science gathered himself before continuing on with his statement. “We believe that the earth is at the centre of the universe again.” A distant “Ha,” was heard from beyond the door which Religion had just been escorted through. Science continued, “It seems that a lot of the vast number of galaxies which we have observed are just repeats of other galaxies but reflected through a mirror, or two mirrors, or even six mirrors, something which we’ve dubbed ‘The standing in between two mirrors phenomenon.’ As everyone knows when you stand between two mirrors you are reflected off both mirrors and there appears to be several copies of you decreasing in size. Well that is essentially what we have discovered about the universe, only on a much grander scale.”

Science was then asked by Media how big the universe really was. He seemed less confident now, clearly shook by the claims made by Religion. “We estimate that there are probably about 70 quadrillion stars and maybe a hundred thousand different galaxies ish.”

Media responded with a very sarcastic, “A measly quadrillion stars and a piffling hundred thousand different galaxies? But you used to say there were 70,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars and 100,000,000,000 galaxies. How could you have gotten it so wrong?”

Science, who was unfamiliar with this tone from Media, stuttered for the first time since bursting onto the scene just after the beginning of the Renaissance. “Eh, Eh. The Mirrors, em…” he attempted, then trailed off.

Media got up to leave. “I thought you had all the answers,” he whimpered through tear filled eyes.

But Science, as usual, wasn’t listening.