The Summer – A Great Time to be Homeless
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, everybody has a skip in their step and a smile on their face. The smell of barbecues and fresh cut grass wafts across the country and the sound of glasses of Bollinger clinking together harmonises with the screams of toddlers in paddling pools. It is a good time of year.
But what’s the best thing about the Summer? Yes that’s right, not having to feel guilty about ignoring the homeless. It’s a great time of year to be homeless. If anything they should be giving us money, we have a lot more to think about during the summer. Gas barbecue or charcoal? Make salads or buy salads? BYOB on the invite or splash out and provide the B? It’s a never-ending dilemma, and you know somebody somewhere is going to be a frickin’ vegetarian.
And what about summer nights? While the rest of us lie awake for hours sweating into our Egyptian cotton sheets every night beside the oven that is our wife and having to go back and forth to the ice maker on our Samsung RSG5DURS stainless steel American Fridge Freezers just to cool down, those lucky bastards are lying under the stars with the roof of the world as their canapé – dead to the world after a nice cheap flagon of White Ace Cider, which they didn’t even have to work for the money to afford – they just sat on their asses and people gave them money. They don’t even have to compete for space in the King-size with their wives because they usually have a doorway to themselves, or pavement, or underside of a bridge, unless they’re moved on by the Police, which, let’s face it, is rare.
And as for food, it must be like a banquet every day in the summer with all the people eating outside. Sure only last week a homeless guy came up to me while I was eating al fresco at Coppinger Row and asked me for money. Now I don’t believe in giving homeless people money because they’ll only spend it on drink, unlike the rest of us. But I’m as compassionate as the next guy, so I cut off a slice of my Wild Mushroom in Filo Pastry with Truffle and Pecorino and threw it on the ground for him. I didn’t want to touch him while I was eating, he smelled bad. Can you believe he just looked at me and then walked away? He didn’t even touch the food. He must have been stuffed from the last restaurant he was begging at. It just goes to show that beggars can be choosers, because that Mushroom in Filo Pastry with Truffle and Pecorino was cooked to perfection.
